Get Britain Sleeping!

This article is a spoof! It was created as an April Fools’ Day joke on April 1st, 2016

GetBritainSleepingComputerWorkerAsleepDramatic new research just published by ‘Snoozologists’ in the Faculty of Sleep Sciences at the University of Schlafgut, Germany brings a brand new approach to sleep requirements, slumber patterns and, in particular, cat napping.

Amidst widely-held concerns about sleep deprivation, especially amongst Millennials and Generation Z, the new data suggests that the long-standing view about the importance of eight hours’ sleep per night is misplaced. On the contrary, prolonged ‘single session’ sleeping may be bad for your health! 

Little and often is the new thinking and the research arrives at some ground-breaking observations:

  • Habits formed during adolescence result in many adults adopting slumber-prone behaviours in later life
  • Too much sleep is detrimental to productivity
  • Sleep as a night-time activity is an ‘old school’ view that fails to recognise the benefits of sleeping during daylight
  • Short bursts of work interspersed with brief but intense bouts of sleep can optimise performance in a similar way to high-intensity interval training (HIIT)

GetBritainSleepingEngineerAsleepAs a result of their extensive research (n=zzzz), Professor Pat Norsh and his colleague, Dr Luc Tood, make the following recommendation:

Work routines should be broken at least once an hour with a short sleep of 3-7 minutes

To facilitate and encourage these behaviours, employers should consider providing:

  • Quiet zones
  • Sleep pods
  • Personal lockers for duvets and pillows
  • Lavender essence dispersed through air-conditioning systems
  • Training sessions to teach staff how to ‘fall asleep anywhere’. (Trainers for these sessions can usually be found at low cost amongst the teenage children of staff members)
  • Team-building exercises built around the sleep theme (e.g. design a duvet, pillow stuffing, interpreting dreams)

GetBritainSleeping_Banner780pxGetBritainSleepingMetroAs may be expected, a campaign and a closely-linked industry is already emerging. The Get Britain Sleeping campaign has been officially launched on April 1st, 2016. In addition, designers of enabling technologies such as snooze apps and ‘productivity pyjamas’ are already marketing their wares to HR and Wellbeing Managers.

Expect to see news stories on TV and in the tabloid press in the near future.

GetBritainSleepingTreadmillWhen questioned about the need for further research, Dr Tood replied ‘We are currently working with a treadmill manufacturer on a viability study to establish the potential for ‘healthy sleepwalking’ – a methodology to address both the sleep needs and the cardiovascular benefits of combining these two activities’.

Professor Norsh was unavailable for comment.


Published in the interests of public entertainment and personnel productivity by Osmond Ergonomics, the UK’s most knowledgeable supplier of innovative products and services to improve workplace wellbeing and productivity.

GetBritainSleepingConstructionWorkerAsleepDisclaimer:

We made all this stuff up. Any resemblance to genuine research, actual facts or real people (alive, dead or just sleeping) is entirely coincidental and highly unlikely. No responsibility will be accepted for disciplinary action or employment jeopardy as a result of reader gullibility. If you found this article informative and useful, please seek counselling through your employer or GP. If, however, you found it entertaining but valueless, you may be interested in some of our more meaningful articles here.

 

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